we’ve all got that weird pretty big secret that we don’t really hide but like we don’t flaunt it like “My brother died of cancer” or “I’m gay” or “I tried to kill myself last year” or anything really and when you find out somebody’s big plot twist you know you’re in this friendship for the long run
"Homophobia: The fear that another man will treat you like you treat women." ~ (unattributed)
"this is awkward" yeah NOW it is since you just said that you dumb boring fuck
That time when only Ben guesses Martin’s feet correctly
Alfred Hitchcock, and, possibly, his grandkids (though I haven’t been able to confirm that…) 1960’s.
my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
So my sister and mum were talking about periods and my dad said, “I don’t need to worry when my period is because penises don’t bleed.” I instantly responded, “They do if you cut them off.”
I have never seen my mum laugh that hard at anything in my life.
Okay who brought it back.
GO HOME KITTEN, YOU ARE DRUNK.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
oh my god it’s like he started to hover away but his front half’s antigravity didn’t activate
does anyone actually track their periods because i dont im too lazy and its just like this really terrible surprise that i dont want every month and me trying to convince myself that theres no way its been 4 weeks already